Will my personality sabotage my self discipline?
In case you haven’t heard, I’m obsessed with personality quizzes and profiles.
Because I know you’re curious, here are my personality profiles in a nutshell:
Myers Briggs (MBTI): ENFP (The Campaigner)
Enneagram: 7w8 (7 is “The Enthusiast”)
Astrology: Scorpio (Rising Aries, Aquarius Moon)
Money Archetypes: Ruler, Accumulator, Romantic
Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies: Rebel (leaning towards Obliger)
In short, I am the kind of person who LOVES INSTANT PLEASURE.
I’m an extroverted, fun-seeking, joke-making, optimistic lover of emotional intensity.
I love starting things, hate finishing them.
Routines bore the shit out of me (though the idea of them fascinates me).
I’m prone to spontaneity, adventure, and over indulgence.
And yet, I am on a mission to become SELF-DISCIPLINED.
And I won’t lie…it’s starting to scare the shit out of me.
Because DECIDING to become self-disciplined was fun!
Remember: I love starting things!
Starting things is fun!
The IDEA of being an early-rising, habitually exercising, temperate kind of person is EXCITING.
But I know myself well enough to know one thing for sure:
In the past…the second that the fun dissipates and I truly, really, sincerely don’t feel like being self-disciplined, I’ve quit.
I’ve justified quitting by telling myself that life is too short to struggle.
I’ve reminded myself that I am a “successful” entrepreneur and I can do whatever I want.
I’ve gotten bored, frustrated, annoyed, irritated, and even angry and will do just about anything to avoid those emotions (that’s a trademark of Enneagram 7’s)
And in order to AVOID those negative feelings, I will…
Skip my workout
Have an extra glass of wine
Spend more money than I planned
Eat more than makes me feel good
Sit inside for too long
Procrastinate getting my work done
Ignore my calendar / to-do list
Get distracted by Instagram
Start a completely new plan (the exciting part, duh!)
I know this to be true because I have done it SO MANY TIMES in the past.
It’s been my M.O.
To be honest, one of the ways that I’ve gotten this far in the business world is because it is ALWAYS new and exciting and I have an A+ team who does all of the not-so-exciting work for me.
But now, my friend, it is time for a change.
It’s time for me to face the fact that this pattern— while it enables me to be highly creative—is limiting the amount that I am truly able to experience in this lifetime.
By avoiding the hard stuff in the name of fun and optimism, I am guaranteeing that I will never get past a certain level of health, happiness, and success.
That which is HARD is usually that which is most worthwhile.
I know this because I HAVE done hard things in my life. For example I have…
Been in a 8+ year intercultural, multilingual relationship, most of which was extreme long distance.
Lived in 2 foreign countries and been through lengthy immigration processes
Earned a college degree with honors
Learned a foreign language
Built a 6-figure online business with zero certification or relevant training before starting
Figure skated on team USA
Grieved the loss of 4 close family members when I was between ages 18-21
Survived the wedding planning process (it’s no joke, people!)
Incorporated my business
Ran 2 half marathons
The above things were hard AF. But I survived…THRIVED, even.
My relationship with Mohammed is the most important thing in my life, and it is also the thing for which I’ve fought the hardest, sacrificed the most, and have wholeheartedly committed myself to.
Watching my step-dad die in front of my eyes at age 18 was, perhaps, the worst thing that I have ever experienced, but I came out of the grieving process stronger than before.
Learning to speak French required daily humiliation, but come hell or high water I was not willing to be one of those people with 40K of student loan debt for a foreign language degree without even being able to speak the language!
I stuck to these things because they were MUSTS. There was no question that I would do it. The risk of failure was too high.
If I didn’t stick to my relationship, I’d lose the person I loved the most.
If I didn’t grieve my loved ones in a healthy way, it would have stolen my entire life’s happiness.
If I hadn’t figured out how to speak French, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.
So, you see, I AM 100% capable of doing hard things.
The only things standing in my way are:
The IDENTITY of being someone who doesn’t follow through
Failing to turn my goals into MUSTS
Therefore, the question becomes: What am I going to do to overcome those obstacles?
Well, first of all, as I shared in this post, I am committed to being vigilant about observing my limiting thoughts. In fact, writing this post has been an exercise in examining some of my deeply entrenched limiting beliefs.
By examining my thought patterns, I am able to clearly see the IDENTITY that is keeping my stuck. One of the easiest ways of seeing this is observing any time I have a thought like, “I’m not the kind of person who…”
Secondly, in order to turn my goals into MUSTS instead of “would likes” I have to be able to clearly see and feel how my current behaviors are leading me to a future where I will NOT reach my goals.
It actually helps me that I am someone who is motivated by emotional intensity (some call it drama). It’s VERY important to me to have a life well-lived. Enneagram 7’s are motivated by a desire to feel satisfied and to make the most out of life.
Also, knowing that I am a “Rebel” leaning towards “Obliger” in Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies helps SO MUCH to design a self-discipline plan that will work with my natural tendencies. In order for me to fully commit to something I have to (a) feel that I identify with the thing and be emotionally excited about it and (b) have some sort of outside accountability.
In other words, sharing my intention to be SELF-DISCIPLINED in 2019 with this personal blog is actually part of my plan to stick to it!
Alright friends, that’s all I’m going to say about that for now. I hope you’re enjoying these personal blogs. Next week I plan on sharing my specific goals for January 2019. Hold me to it, will ya?!